Saturday, November 21, 2009

I am running out of things to say. Its very hard to find the positive. Dance is holding me together. The rest of me is falling apart.

Its like in the narnia movies... the trees fall so far into themselves that they stop singing, talking, and dancing.

I can't stop dancing, but I'm running out of things to say... and that is rare for someone like me.

Heck! Who the hell am I anymore?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

CSI... Law and Order... or the 1600s in Renaissance France/Italy

My life has gotten worse before it can get better. This week 2 girls I know were sexually abused... there was alcohol poinsonings... hazings.... its been bad.

So I've been throwing myself into what I wish I could do... where I could be... not a place, but a time. The 1500s - 1700s in Renaissance France and Italy... the literature is incredible, and I am in love with the poetry of Michaelangelo. If you like his sculptures, you should read his letters.

I'm even calling my mom to get books that have been out of print. I am reading texts that were last published in 1920s! How I miss the world that valued fine art. Now we all listen to rap and are obsessed with crime.

*sigh* Leonardo is my soul mate... thank god people thought Fillipi was gay *chuckle* ... otherwise, we might have a tad of a debate.

Try to think positive. Only 3 weeks to freedom

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Freak. I'm a Freak.

My dance lesson was cancelled this morning and at first, I didn't know what to do. I decided to draw outside and listen to some 80s tunes, which of course gave the hung-over frat boys another reason to call me a freak.

Freak. Painting Pig. Loser. The list goes on and on... but this was the first time they actually used the word freak. I am a Freak.

And I think I like it. I think I am okay being different. It's taken me a while to accept that I'm not like everyone else, but I have accepted it. I'm a freak.

Current times:
- the neat freak
- "freaky fresh"
- "super freak ... super freak-ay!"

An older usage refers to the physically deformed, or having extraordinary diseases and conditions, such as sideshow performers. A "freak" in this sense can be formally defined as someone not falling within typical standard deviations. Freaks can be classified into two groups: natural freaks and made freaks. A natural freak would usually refer to a genetic abnormality, while a made freak is a once normal person who experienced or initiated an alteration at some point in life (such as receiving surgical implants). "Freak" continues to be used to describe genetic mutations in plants and animals, i.e. "freaks of nature." "Freak" can also be used in a verb form, and can mean: "to become stressed and upset". Usually, in this form, the word is followed by "out" to complete the phrase, "freaking out". However, this meaning and usage is usually considered slang. ...

Freak Accident.

Freak Show.

Freak Wave.

Freakonomics.

Freakazoid....

You get it? The world is filled with freaks. There is no such thing as being normal, yet people cling to idea of normalcy.

If all of the things that make me who I am - define me as a freak, then so be it.

I just need to find my Circque du freaks to spend my time with *laugh* I don't expect people to be perfect, just understanding and open minded. There is so much more out there; so many undiscovered, abnormal things.

I want to find them. They are just like me.

I am a Freak.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Ouch... but thankyou

Have you ever felt like your heart was ripping in half inside of you ... like a CSI blood and guts close up... as if Michael Jackson is screaming the free willy theme song in your ear with such passion that your ear feels like it might fall off?! I have... I asked my professor to file my papers for transfer along with a letter of recommendation. It hurts knowing these are my last two months with the most amazing professors I have ever encountered. If you ever get a chance to choose who you work with for a sabbatical, I highly recommend:

Benjamin Gardener, Philip Chen, Jeremiah Enright, and Ryan Aronoff... this includes (in order) my drawing professor, printmaking professor, english/reading/radio station instructor, and media/film analysis instructor.

Please take the time to know the men that have greatly encouraged me. They continue to remind me that I am the only person like me... no duplicates...

So even though my heart is ripping right out of my being... I'm sure I will keep in touch with all of these professors. Without them, I have no idea where I would be.

Thank you... and please, help me to stop crying. That's my mom's job.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

A + B = C... what about D?

"If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all"...

Haven't we all heard that saying one time or another. It is the reason why I haven't written anything lately. I haven't had much positive to say. I've felt very... stuck.

About five minutes ago, my mother and I had a talk. More like a conversation that involved me sobbing and her deciphering my tears on a long distance phone call, but you get the gist. She and I realized that I have figured out things beyond my years, and am stuck dealing with my generations poor decisions and consequences. I don't feel anything. I'm numb in almost every way... but then I have the fine arts.

I ran back to the dance studio about an hour after my lesson yesterday simply because I didn't feel safe on campus. I don't feel safe. The fine arts are my shelter. They are who I am. I sleep in the Harmon Fine Arts Center when I can't sleep in my own room. I would rather be covered in paint and crash next to my easel than in my own room. That is when you know there is a problem.

My mom and I decided that in mist of all that pain, and everything I'm encountering.... there is something more. There is another aspect of the equation that I can't see.

A + B = C ...

but if that is what we expect then we wont see letter D approaching! And no... I don't know what letter D is ... but it exists.

There is something more. Something else. And I have to find it. I don't want to carry around the negativity that people throw at me. And when art and dance art criticized, where am I to go? I have to find letter D.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Every Part Of Me

I know most of the world thinks "Hannah Montana" is full of crap, but right now, I love her more than for a few laughs from the Disney Channel on a low evening. I feel really connected to her song called "Every Part Of Me". I've been though a lot of things that have made me stronger, and given me everything I wanted... but now I'm not sure where I stand. I really need to take some time and think through the big decisions I have ahead. And the ones I've made... were they the right ones? I've changed a lot since last May... a lot. Now, I wonder ... where do I fit? Can I still be every part of me? And the people I met since that change, I owe you an apology... I must seem like a crazy person.

LYRICS:

I feel like I'm a million miles away
From my self more and more these days
I've been down so many open roads
But they never lead me home
And now I just don't know

Who I really am,
How it's gonna be,
Is there something that I can't see?
I wanna understand

Maybe I will never be who I was before
Maybe I don't even know her anymore
Maybe who I am today ain't so far from yesterday
And I find a way to be
Every part of me

So I'll try
Try to slow things down
And find myself
Get my feet back on the ground
It'll take time, but i know I'll be alright
'Cause nothing much has changed on the inside

It's hard to figure out
How it's gonna be
'Cause I don't really know now
I wanna understand

Maybe I will never be who I was before
Maybe I don't even know her anymore
Maybe who I am today ain't so far from yesterday
And I find a way to be every part of me

I don't wanna wait too long
To find out where I'm meant to belong
I've always wanted to be where i am today
But I never thought I'd feel this way

Maybe I will never be who I was before
Maybe I don't even know her anymore
Maybe who I am today ain't so far from yesterday
And I find a way to be every part of me

Every part of me.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Etching the Dance

There is this printmaking technique that has a really fuzzy line quality... its called hard ground line etching. This process has a graphic effect and always puts things in high contrast. It is a very difficult technique to master.

I spent 14 logged hours this past week working on hard ground line etching outside of class. In class I am determined to complete the carbon wash process, and I am only supposed to do carbon wash under instructor supervision. Me + harmful chemicals = WHOA! Anyway, the hard ground line etching allows you to scrape away metal and print from the metal surface.

Now, I have chosen dance as my topic in art and out of art. I have been focusing a lot on two dance moves in particular that I have captured in photos before. My goal is to be able to duplicate them with my body and on paper. What I didn't know about etching is that it doesn't like to show movement; if you screw up, you have to work with the metal and create something else. Metal is a stubborn matter. You have to teach yourself to be aggressive with the tools, regardless if your subject is something beautiful, and calm. For the first time, I have accepted that my art has become a little abstract; it is hard to avoid with this medium. Carbon wash is more fluid and beautiful... graceful... like dance. Etching, not so much, but I am pleased to say that I have mastered etching, and I like what I have done. Part of why I enjoy the etching is because I am given more time to mix my colors of ink and determine in what way I will touch the plate. Even fingerprints will show up in a print and if you left the full rolled ink on the surface, it would bleed and the subject wouldn't show up. So every time your hand, covered or uncovered, touches the metal, something will change. And that scared me.... but after making the print above, I conquered that fear and made 3 metal plates, and approx. 20 prints in many colors and sizes. Trying something new is always good for you.

Now if only I could master the dance moves with my body. That may take a little more practice :)

Enjoy your day,
-R


Better than Cable TV

Everyone has a favorite Tv show... now imagine your favorite episode. What I am about to tell you, is better than that episode.

I was walking home and I saw a drunk couple walking back toward the GK. The girl asked for a piggy back ride, and the guy said sure. She gets on his back... takes about two steps... and face plants into the cement. His knees didn't even buckle! The girl rolls over into a mud puddle and is laughing hysterically about going back to the bar. The guy sits up and hits his head on the pole of a stop sign before he can ask if she is okay! They both got up and started walking back to The Dublin instead of going to the GK and sleeping it off ... oh my. This campus is full of drunkards, and it can be so amusing. Even the simplest walk back from Walgreens can leave you laughing.

I'm sure tonight will be the exact same thing... HA HA!

I gotta get back to work. I have a book deadline to meet. I just really wanted to tell somebody about this fun occurrence.
-R

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Super Dedicated Saturday

This morning I was up at 6 am running around the Drake campus. I didn't eat, drink... heck, I forgot socks! I just kept moving... it was too early and I had to focus. I was determined.

Today, I wanted to say I put in my best to meet my goals academically and personally. Yes, I know it is a Saturday, but that is no excuse to let yourself go. I've never been able to put in 110% at anything. I haven't laughed this much EVER! And I'm actually proud of myself and thankful for my coach here in Des Moines. He helped me write up a schedule of activities that will strengthen my ankles, my back, and my core. He helped me plan some other fun activities I could to with friends that, in a way, give me an additional workout. Finally, he helped me organize time - a written schedule- when I can have free time and when I will do homework or studio hours. I am so thankful for my dance coach... I am finally in control of my life. Heck, he went from dance coach to life coach in like five seconds... even though it only was a ten minute conversation :)

One very big problem: Now that I have time planned to have a social life outside of partying, people think I'm full of B.S. No one here believes in me. None of my peers think that the changes I have made in my life are positive. And their negativity is rubbing off on me. I'm turning into a sarcastic bitch... yes, I said it. That is the one unacceptable negative that has filled the gap that used to be called friendship here on the Des Moines campus. I am now on my own.

I have hours planned for social outings that no longer are happening. (I can't wait to get my butt out of here)...

ONE VERY BIG POSITIVE:
I HAVE TIME TO GIVE 110% TO DANCE AND ART!
and because no one cares about anything I do, I have nothing to loose.

I had three hours of dancing today. My shoes are finally starting to break in. My confidence is even high enough to consider practicing arm styling!

So, today, I decided to be dedicated.... Even if it is a Saturday :)

Never give up.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Dance Dance Dance!

Those that know me, know that I haven't had it so easy. I gave up dancing, then musicals, then acting, then music all together, but somehow found art. Once I found art, I found myself. Slowly, I've been earning back the lost time and was accepted into the women's choir that works with the Des Moines Symphony, I started playing piano on campus, and now, thanks to my mom's push and shove, I am dancing again. And dancing, has been keeping me a lot healthier. I haven't had a "weak day" in over a month! Being healthy makes me happy. Heck, my entire being is stronger. And my stronger self took a really big risk around 8:30 pm that I think you all should know about!

(Warning: I am a little tired, so this may start to sound a little silly about half way through the blog. Yes, you have been warned.)

Last night, I went to a dance workshop downtown... in the rain... and yes, I walked 5 blocks into the ghetto of Iowa (without an umbrella), and took the sketchy bus all the way there!!! If that doesn't show my determination and confidence, I don't know what would! That bus is one... scary.... bus! [Kids, DON'T go on the bus by yourself unless you can strike up conversations with the homeless or smart mouth back at gangsters like I can :) Bring a friend... or pepper-spray. ]

Anyway, this dance workshop was held outside. I left my things in the dry studio, and danced in the cold downpour for about 2 hours near their parking lot. Apparently, the rain makes it harder to keep your shoulders relaxed... as though that isn't hard enough *laugh*. For some reason, I have to be totally tense when I start dancing! What the heck!?! The rain also makes you rely on other senses besides your sight. It wasn't about your partner or perfection, it was self-expression. It started as ballroom dancing, and transformed into a circle of hip-hop in the second hour. Then I took a proper lesson at 10:30 pm (with a new friend I met in that parking lot) instead of going to the club with everyone else from the workshop! I didn't get back to campus until midnight. Guess who had a big pile of homework and a lovely 8 am Psychology Lab this morning... I can say that even though I am running on 3 hours of sleep I would go dance like that again in a heartbeat.

Now, if you are not convinced that meeting random people and dancing until all hours of the night is fun... then lets see what the doctors have to say!

I did a little google search... well actually, a really big google search... and found that:

To help stay healthy the government recommends that everyone take part in 30 minutes of moderate intensity physical activity five times a week. That's activity that gets you breathing faster, increases your heart rate. You don't have to be pouring with sweat and panting - you should be able to keep it up for half an hour. And the good news is that dancing counts. *and the crowd goes wild!*

Most dance styles, even a stately waltz, are the activity equivalent of at least a moderate (3mph) walk. Anyone who Highland flings or ballroom dances themselves around a room will up their heart rate quickly. Regular dancing will reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and cancer. Oh and BONUS POINTS: you'll enjoy yourself so much you'll forget you're exercising!

Regular dancing will also help keep you trim. Avoiding weight gain can become harder as we get older, because ageing is associated with a loss in muscle mass and an increase in body fat.... and don't forget those fun little face wrinkles that everyone worries about these days :) But as you shimmy across the floor, you'll be burning calories: in a half-hour dance session, an average 60kg/approx. 132 lb person will burn at least 99 calories. Of course this varies - you'll burn more with a lively Latino-style because you're moving more.

Dancing helps to reduce the risk of osteoporosis because the steps put a strain on your bones, helping them to stay strong and dense. The more dense your bones are, the longer your bones will remain strong and less likely to fracture if you should fall. Other skills you'll develop as you learn to glide elegantly across the dance floor - poise and grace - encourage coordination, balance and muscle strength.

*laugh* I am nowhere near graceful! I can't help but chuckle at the thought of how long it will take for me to become graceful... I'm sure it will come a lot quicker to all of you. Actually, you are already more graceful because this morning I ran into a glass door! Has anyone seen the Windex commercial?! :)

Moving on... these skills are particularly important in later life as it helps to reduce the risk of falling, allowing people to maintain their mobility and independent living. For example... Even if I got that special "old people" Sunset Living bus to run over a certain someone that teaches me to ballroom dance, all the way over in the Chicago land area, he will still manage to survive and live independently... he may be a tad fragile after the incident, but he will remain mobile. Yes, he will heal and dance another day! * HALLELUJAH! HE HAS RISEN* Maybe dance will even help his bones heal faster! *laugh* - WOOHOO! :)

(Can you hear the slap happy in my voice... just wait until I get to the art store. I'll be there at 1:30 pm. I may even be more interesting than cable television! Gee Willikers! )

ONLY TWO PARAGRAPHS OF FUN FACTS TO GO!!!

A regular Cha - Cha or tango will help to keep your mind active as well as your body. Exercise improves circulation and helps prevent oxygen starvation to the brain, and remembering complex steps stimulates the working memory. In fact, research suggests that ballroom dancing reduces the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease or dementia. (If you do develop either disease, I hear sunset living is a very nice facility...) Not only can exercise slow mental decline, but it may actually enhance brain power. And there's some evidence that listening to music while you exercise stimulates mental functioning more than silent activities. So regular dancing might even help you impress your chess mates or solve those trickier crossword clues... heck, even sudoku! *cough* - Matt - *cough*

Depending on the style you choose, a dance class can be a pleasant trip down memory lane (the 90s are a particular favorite) , or a stimulating voyage into new musical realms. Yes, I said it! MUSICAL REALMS! Exercising can lift your mood and reduce the risk of depression. Don't overlook the feel-good factor of a foxtrot. It is important to find something you enjoy, and that you can see and feel your improvement... that with practice, can give your confidence an enormous boost.

I LIED ... ONE MORE! MUST... ADVERTISE!!! *laugh*

Another good reason why dance benefits the brain - social life. Of course there is nothing to stop you from cranking up the tunes and swinging round your living room whenever the fancy takes you, but dancing tends to be a shared pursuit. (Yes, we have to play nice at dance time kids! Sharing is caring... IT WILL BE FUN!) Spending time with good friends can stimulate the mind and protect against mental decline. Being part of a group, team or community is one of the keys to a happy life, bringing emotional support and a sense of purpose. To get the most out of social dancing, go for regular group classes aimed at your level of ability, where you'll meet up with the same like-minded dancers each week.

SO SIGN UP TODAY.... I recommend the Fred Astaire Dance Studios and the Des Moines Ballroom ... but I am sure there are many other studios in your local range as well.

I hope this long.... long.... Really flipping long ... blog has convinced you that dancing is fun and healthy. Dance is saving my life one step at a time... at least, I think that's what its doing. The doctors are way smarter than the sleep deprived fine arts college student; Hence, the research.

Okay... well... I have to catch my bus and get to the art store and the hardware store, get all of my art supplies, and be back by 3 so that I can help cook dinner at the Homeless Shelter tonight!
Which means, I-am-going-to-rush-out-of-my-room-right-now! <3
-R


Thursday, October 22, 2009

My newfound love for... the LIBRARY!

Last night, a friend of mine wanted company at the library. I, the fine arts student with reading troubles, does not like the library. Somehow, I got guilt tripped into going to the library and to my surprise, my friend has found the section with books on the Italian Renaissance. That is one dangerous library section for a person like me to find. I checked out six books! Me... six books.

So that bad habit of reading all of the signs in the FADS dance studio will probably end by Thanksgiving. I have so much else to read with historic content that I might lose interest in the signs when I am dancing. If all else fails, read before you go dance!!! What a concept *smile*

Anyway, I wanted to share a poem that I translated into English that was written by Michelangelo. Yes, I found a book of his poetry and letters. My heart melted. I was up until 2 am. reading. Its like all of those old women that watch Lifetime TV shows like "Desperate Housewives". They cry and get so into what they are watching... thats how I get around Michelango and Leonardo Da Vinci drawings and writings. If I could choose to resurrect anyone from the dead... I would pick one of those artists - or Shakespeare. Many would say Jesus... I say artist! Haha! Well here's one of those poems I was talking about:


I' ho gia fatto un gozzo in questo stento,*

This comes of dangling from the ceiling -
I'm goitered like a Lombard cat*
(or wherever else their throats grow fat) -
it's my belly that's beyond concealing,
it hangs beneath my chin like peeling.
My beard points skyward, I seem a bat
upon its back, I've breasts and splat!
On my face the paint's congealing.

Loins concertina'd in my gut
I drop an arse as counterweight
and move without the help of eyes.
Like a skinned martyr I abut
on air, and, wrinkled, show my fate.
Bow-like, I strain toward the skies.

No wonder then I size
things crookedly; I'm on all fours.
Bent blowpipes send their darts off-course.

Defend my labour's cause,
good Giovanni, from all strictures:
I live in hell and paint its pictures.

(Girardi, 5, 1509-10)

Wow... can you say wow! WOW! Doesn't that just make you pause and think... To live in hell and paint its pictures. I love that phrase. As an artist, I can relate to this poem. I work so hard, and it is left unappreciated. People don't take time to understand what a person must give up to be an artist. Sometimes it really does feel like this world is a hell and I am just here painting its pictures. Michelangelo never ceases to amaze me.

Okie dox... I have a psychology class in five minutes, so I'm gonna run.
Enjoy the rain today, and don't forget to go puddle jumping by GK! BIG BIG ...
Really big puddles!

Will write soon,
-R


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Everything Bagel

Have you ever asked what is on an "Everything Bagel"??? I suppose people would say, "Everything!" - and don't forget that cheer-filled attitude straight out of an old back-and-white movie; The customer is always right. *laugh*

My art is like an everything bagel. I have found a hungry eye for additive complexity in the artworks I create. And though subjects change, my work reflects a sort of cerebral mental space... something substantial that takes more than five seconds to devour. Its not like those hotdog eating contests on TLC... I know you all watch them with your dad on sunday afternoons. *points finger* I'm in no rush to get through the gallery of my brain that fast! I am a visual outsider. I mean, who really orders an everything bagel everyday, and thinks about the seasonings that make that bagel what it is. I spend approximately 9 - 12 hours minimum on my artwork everyday. That is a lot of analysis of what makes that everything bagel... "Everything". And if you are working on more than one artwork at a time... well, that's a lot of "everything" to deal with.

While discussing my Intaglio Printmaking (Hard-ground line etching, and aquatint for the moment), Professor Chen and I discussed that we are all strangers to ourselves. We can sense our own strangeness... and man, AM I STRANGE OR WHAT?! I live to perplex people by switching between codes, schematics, and representation. I play with both Formal and Conceptual Experience... the familiar and the strange.... the legible and illegible... forward and backward... I think you the point. *smile* I want all of that to fit in one picture plane and repeat itself in series. Talk about high expectations!

I love testing the limits of what a figure or a drawing can hold. What is the capacity of an image??? Can that figure become part of the building??? How much power can you give the paper vs. your mind??? I can't seem to find the limitations or boarders of this craft! And in all of my muffled attempts where I am walking blind and making messes that lead to failure... that failure constitutes my art. There is always a meaning or a lesson in the process of making art. If you don't know the meaning of a work you have done, then it is not a real work. You have not put yourself in position to let that work grow. How would you feel if someone walked up to you and asked about your work and you didn't know why you did what you did? Ex: " What if it was about this... oh wait, don't you know? You are the artist!" How... awkward!

Professor Chen has also lent me wonderful books lately about our strange selves and connections to the art worlds (yes, there are more than one). I've found an understanding of an artist in particular. His name is Carl Jung.

(While I'm thinking about it... If you need reproductions of old Renaissance Prints with the original plates or old comic strips out of print... HIGHLY RECOMMEND EBAY! You don't have to be rich to have great art! I would know :) ... Anyhoo,)

Carl Jung stated that "the creative mind plays with the objects it loves". Professor Chen and I discussed Carl Jung's work on the topic of being "half born" this morning. By "half born", he means that someone may have been born into this world, but has one foot firmly planted somewhere else. Sometimes that place you are so grounded into is your unconscious... your dreams... another time period... imagination,etc.; Sometimes that place is a double life. For instance, when I sleep, I don't feel like I'm sleeping. I have another world that lives in my head. I'm not crazy, but I am firmly grounded in two places at once. I have a very active imagination; so active, that I feel like I am given a second chance to live my day when I sleep. Again, I'm not crazy. And I'm not two people. I'm the same person, but in my head people speak Elizabethan language, and I dream in black and white. *laugh* ... My dreams make me think a lot about how the US doesn't discuss the concept of class. Printmaking resolves around labor and sweat for a product... it is the only even playing field in art. You don't have to be privileged to print. This theory shows in my work.

The creative mind plays. According to Carl Jung, "Art is a kind of innate drive that seizes a human being and makes him its instrument. To perform this difficult office it is sometimes necessary for him to sacrifice happiness and everything that makes life worth living for the ordinary human being." My subject of play has been ballroom dance. I have always liked to dance... but now, I also enjoy drawing dance scenes while I dance around studio space for hours! Its like a production on paper. I'm giving up free time to take extra ballroom lessons, drive around the city and see theatre productions (professional and student based), participate in workshops, etc. And every movement I draw in response is specific/particular and yet loose and familiar, but so strange... that whole complexity thing is now traveling with me! Literally it was just in Chicago yesterday and in Iowa today!

My life has become an everything bagel... Art has become a big part of my life... and by testing the limits of Fabriano, Arches Cover/Text, Reeves... all those crazy European Paper companies... they let me fail. No... they HELP me fail! And every time I fail, I really do succeed. So I continue to probe and search through life to figure out what makes that "everything bagel" so wonderful... Professor Chen says its just me "absorbing things like a sponge with the ability to squeeze out all of its contents so that the world can taste the perspective of an artist" (WOW)

I remain undecided... for now. I have another 5 hour Art class that starts shortly and I am sure I will learn something new and come out of that class looking like a pastel rainbow. Maya Angelou did tell me to be the rainbow in the sky... Apparently I took that a tad too literally.

Much Love,
R.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Transition

Its 10:30pm on a Tuesday, and I just spent 7 hours on a bus to go back to a school that I hate with all of my guts... therefore, this entry might not be exactly what you expected. I titled this blog "Live the Life You Love; Love the Life you Live", because that is my goal. I want to love the life I live, and really LIVE it. I don't want to be one of those people that only half-a** everything they do. Its not all down-hill after college either. In fact, my college experience has been all down-hill! After college its all up-hill!

My college experience can be summed up as "going to hell and back in less than four years! SAVE YOURSELF WHILE YOU CAN!" ... a tad dramatic, but if you were me, I think you would say something along similar lines. Why you ask???
I've had the unfortunate encounter with every bodily fluid possible in the last year and a half. People have pissed on my door because I am a fine arts student. People have yelled at me, called me names, and tripped me into snow piles while carrying my portfolio... all because I am a fine arts student. I've had used condoms left on my floor (thanks roomie - eww), I've been sexiled, I've cleaned vomit off my floor... vomit that wasn't mine!... I've seen blood splats and all sorts of crazy crap! And when I try to reach out to a group on campus that does not resort to alcohol for all of their joys, they target me and my family for being mixed religiously and culturally. So what do I do to make college those best years of my life... I retreat into what I know and love most - THE FINE ARTS!

Yes, I am in love with the fine arts. Yes, I am one of those loud, obnoxious, and slightly insane people that sing and dance everywhere they go, and I'm usually covered in some type of material that will be stuck to my skin for a week... usually printmaking ink or pastel chalk with my luck. I vent into art so much that people think I should be in art school. My teachers call me pigpen after I am laughing so hard that I am crying from the fun I had making the mess covering all four walls of the room... they say things like: "you have talent", "I can get you a gallery job right out of college", "you have potential", "you're portfolio is in HD! No Way!", etc. I've heard it all. And I love it.

When I surround myself with art and music, I am living the life I love. I am loving the life I live. So as I transition my butt out of this terrible place called Iowa, I will be writing about how the arts keep me thinking positive. And FYI - If you are a little different, or had a rough past, or both... that doesn't mean that you are a loser or wierdo. Don't let people tell you otherwise. Keep your head held high... I am.