Haven't we all heard that saying one time or another. It is the reason why I haven't written anything lately. I haven't had much positive to say. I've felt very... stuck.
About five minutes ago, my mother and I had a talk. More like a conversation that involved me sobbing and her deciphering my tears on a long distance phone call, but you get the gist. She and I realized that I have figured out things beyond my years, and am stuck dealing with my generations poor decisions and consequences. I don't feel anything. I'm numb in almost every way... but then I have the fine arts.
I ran back to the dance studio about an hour after my lesson yesterday simply because I didn't feel safe on campus. I don't feel safe. The fine arts are my shelter. They are who I am. I sleep in the Harmon Fine Arts Center when I can't sleep in my own room. I would rather be covered in paint and crash next to my easel than in my own room. That is when you know there is a problem.
My mom and I decided that in mist of all that pain, and everything I'm encountering.... there is something more. There is another aspect of the equation that I can't see.
A + B = C ...
but if that is what we expect then we wont see letter D approaching! And no... I don't know what letter D is ... but it exists.
There is something more. Something else. And I have to find it. I don't want to carry around the negativity that people throw at me. And when art and dance art criticized, where am I to go? I have to find letter D.
No comments:
Post a Comment